That smile on your face
Could hide a million hurts
But now it shows
Your true hidden side
Now i am sure
That lost smile carried a weight
That could drown the tears
From your heart
I don’t know when
The smile got lost
Was it worth it ?
To see this hidden hurt ?
Now i know
Behind that smile
Was a heart wanting a life
To live free from
What others wanted to see !
Sounds familiar –
Alliance invited for very well settled, handsome, cultured, brahmin boy, 1988,5.7′,72 kg, CA staying in a bungalow in a posh area of xxxxx from beautiful, unmarried, highly educated qualified, all upper caste girls born after 1991.
Welcome to the big fat Indian wedding, above is the prelude to the actual happy matrimonial life.
The matrimonial advertisements are what caught my attention this time. They are divided into different sections based on caste, language, religion, profession, general , and community. Let’s get to understand this business of finding a soulmate.
By Profession –
DM/MCH ,MD, MS for fair beautiful MD(Specialization) ,32, working in a premier institute.
Well settled MD Dr 34,5.8′ ,fair ,smart, issueless divorcee, a brahmin boy from renowned and reputed doctors family wants beautiful ,MD, Dr Girl
Certainly, all the stakeholders here are looking for the same profession, fair , beautiful, and smart life partners perhaps the same caste and same kind of reputed renowned family with no history of divorces purely my assumption. Just wondering what would happen if a doctor married a lawyer or soulmate from another profession.
By Caste-
Alliance invited for very well settled, handsome, cultured brahmin boy, 1988,5.7′, 72 kg, CA staying in a bungalow in a posh area of xxxxx from beautiful, unmarried highly educated qualified all upper caste girls born after 1991 whew!
Here the cultured boy has a posh bungalow and wants beautiful ,unmarried ,qualified ,upper caste girl the list is indeed long !!!
By Community –
Rajput
IIT, IIM, MNC,5,10′ JULY 82, never married, no dowry seeks all upper caste, working, non-working girl.
The qualifications and the education impressive seeking upper caste girl not sure where that leads to.
By Religion
Sikh
Jatt Sikh, 96,5.11 , B.tech, working in MNC, package XYZ lakh good properties in Mumbai and Punjab
Honey we are talking about money here rest doesn’t matter !
General
Seeking beautiful, slim girls, well educated girls ,born from 1980 to 1999, from high status families .
The expectations are huge ….seems like age no bar as long as you are slim ,beautiful and educated and from high status.
Disabled /handicapped
Looking for suitable bride for my hearing impaired, very handsome son aged 29 years having govt job and business .
Second Marriage
5.6 ‘,Smart, Handsome, Agrawal, Mtech, company owner, jovial ,teetotaler ,non smoker, affluent ,separated seeks like minded people.
It does not mention divorced pretty jovial fella !!
By Language
Bengali
Not fair, grad boy ,oct 91, 5.6′ pvt job, salary XXXXX, well settled family, Girl should be 5.2′, height Cheerful nature .
Not fair at all ! something to be cheerful about finally !!!
I did see an elite section of matrimony where the grooms and brides were seeking likeminded and educated life partners where families have good net worth. Point taken !
Sadly the business of finding your soulmate deluded me . The appearance and status seemed more important from the advertisements and behind them are the many pride and prejudices we as Indians nurture since the moment we are born . Gender expectations …..the girl cant be dark or fat , has to be beautiful , damsel in distress if i may say so ! The hero has all the makings of a horror movie! I don’t know about soulmates just wondering if one were to switch these expectations, break the stereotypes what would happen. A perfect match I say.
” Life is like a beautiful melody and only the lyrics are messed up,” said Hans Christian Anderson. That’s about life coming to songs I just switched on music channels and the first song I heard was Coca-Cola Tu that quenched my thirst for music at least for that part of the day, I don’t know if I should say the lyrics were all messed up. A peppy number surely may make youngsters feel good but made me ponder.
The countless discussions on music seemed to indicate a changing trend where the songs were still composed and sung beautifully but the melody was missing. The sweetness ( svar ki madurtha) is what I felt was missing. I could still sing and dance to the new tunes. The meaning of the songs too may have changed. Yet again there are exceptions but what was there plenty earlier seems to be disappearing.
Each era from the 40s to now has there own list of beautiful songs and as you reminisce them you may note the change. From Jawan Hain Mohabbat ( Noor Jehan ), Suhani Raat Dhal Chuki ( Mohd Rafi ), Jane Woh Kaise log the ( Hemant Kumar ),Tadbeer se bigadi Hui taqdeer bana de ( Geeta Dutt ), Tumne mujhe Dekha hoker meherba ( Mohd Rafi ), Lag ja gale ( Lata Mangeshkar),Isharo share mein dil lene wali ( Asha Bhosle Mohd Rafi ), Aanewala pal Jane wale hai (Kishore Kumar ), Kahin door jab din dhal Jaye (Mukesh ), Phir wahi raat hai (Kishore Kumar ), Naam gum jayega (Lata Mangeshkar ). Many innumerable songs after that too which have been rendered beautifully coming to now where we have Chikni Chameli, Coca-cola, Remixed versions, Nashe Se Chad Gayi, Param Sundari, Kala chashma, etc, etc.
The thing about music is that it caters to a wide audience while I may be stuck with melody there would be many who may not care much about the same just want to end their day with something to chill with. My daughter loves rap I can already see the differences in our choices though she does hum some old songs !!! That generation gap will always be there. But music still breaks many barriers I noted between young and old.
Yes, indeed we have moved on from the 40s to 50, 60 ,70, 80, 90 to now. The expression and styles have changed. I guess that’s what creative thinking and song lyrics do, it gives wings to take your imagination to places unknown and unexpressed and in the process, a great song would be able to lift your heart, warm the soul and make you feel good.
The most important role in a woman’s life is in being a mother. One can’t find a more challenging, more fulfilling time than this. From the time the child is born from changing diapers, reading to them, helping them take their baby steps, teaching them to express themselves…and finally, to help them become better human beings, is no mean task.
As a mother I don’t have many years of experience but I do understand today, my own mother better. I understand now, what her thought process would have been, when she went through this phase herself. There were many teenage moments in my life when I would be exasperated, not able to understand why on earth was my mother behaving like an alien sometimes.
I remember her making sure we never go without a proper meal inspite of her busy work schedule. The patience she had in raising the two of us must have been infinite, because I am exhausted with only one to take care of. Helping me in my school assignments, stitching for me, taking care of me when I was sick…God, how much she multitasked!!! She was there for me at all stages of my life without bothering about her own health.
She listened to me patiently everytime i came back from school (My stories would never end). She understood my heartaches as I grew older. There definitely have been differences between me and her on so many issues but that is what gave me wings as a woman…the confidence to think with clarity about issues concerning me, the capacity to have a mind of my own.
In my toughest moments she may have cried out quietly, only so that I don’t weaken. She was always known to speak her mind on issues, something that did ruffle a few feathers. Her biggest strength was the ability to bounce back, not hold grudges for too long and also forgive. If we ever started laughing on some matter, it would never end.
She has been through her journey in life and till date, like all mothers, worries about her children every waking moment. As a daughter I only wish her good health, friends and family. I hope people in her life are able to see through her thoughts and try to understand what really are her concerns. Mama, Thank you for bringing me into this beautiful world to experience this special bond. I hope in my journey as a mother I can pass on all that you have taught, to help me in being where I am today.
We may be far away from each other physically, but I know that you are there in my heart always as I am in yours. Today your children have grown and branched out and I know that your cosy nest is not as busy or noisy as it was then. But I hope you take wings again and do all the things that you ever wanted to do in life. Afterall, Age is just a number and you are a Superwoman. And if you ever want me to join you whenever you wish to fly, I am with you. I am game.
One experience this whole last year that had stayed with me has been of doctors. They are life-givers and they have had the most impactful role along with other healthcare professionals during the last two years. Now more than ever our doctors would have faced the most agonizing decisions with beds running out, a pandemic, and innumerable lives to be saved. Most of the time the doctors have to be a scientist and humanitarians, the most difficult being taking decisions in the field of human relations.
My interactions with doctors made me relook at the profession with new insights and below listed are the ten commandments that definitely helped me look at them differently.
Having interacted with all kinds of doctors including a quack I realized how demanding and tough the profession can be where one has to be abreast of technology ,research findings, new medicines, new methods of treatment etc . It’s a lifelong journey of learning and of studying hard while you can say trust me I am your doctor. “In the end a good doctor treats the disease the great doctor treats the patient “
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When you think of the sari the one image that cannot escape your mind if you are a true Bollywood fan is the rain-drenched Hindi heroine dancing to some music wearing a beautiful sari.
The sari brings to my mind the quintessential Indian woman’s beauty. Draped in 6 yards of this sari they look so elegant, graceful. Timeless classic. It is the only traditional Indian dress that has lasted beyond time. Whether you imagine a Rekha or Hema Malini or Nargis or Madhubala or Sridevi an Indian heroine without the sari no way!
Why is the sari so essential to the Indian heroine. Simply because it makes any woman tall, short, thin, fat just look more beautiful and adds glamour with a dash of tradition perhaps that’s what they want to portray with the sari. And it’s simply Indian.
Madhubala’s magic! Ek ladki bheegi bhagi se …..The iconic song with the actress looking every bit ravishing in her sari avatar.
Nargis and her sari – Nargis was known for her penchant for a white sari. She wore a sari with embroidery or organza
Meena Kumari the tragedy queen and her floral print sari are evergreens even today in terms of trendsetters.
Mumtaz and her sari were ahead of her time. The orange sari gown in Aaj kal tere mere Pyaar Ke charche can never be forgotten.
Rekha and her sari– The kanjiveeram clad Rekha could put many of the new heroines to shame .
Sreedevi and her sari
Who can forget Sridevi in Mr. India with a blue sari and Kate Nahin Kathe din yeh raat with all her sultry moves and the invisible sari romance?
Madhuri Dixit and her sari
The dhak dhak girl has sung and danced to many a hearts with her charming presence and personality
Vidya balan and the new age heroine still looking resplendent in her sari
The screen is set on fire .. you see the heroines in the black& white era to the colour rich era every heroine you could think of has draped the sari in different ways accentuating the female charm. The Indian fem Fatale cannot be without the sari. It’s got history and is always in vogue no matter what. The Indian heroine has draped this sari with much grace and managed to bring out so many shades to the sari from how you wear, to design and colour. So when in doubt wear the sari just like our heroines!
Work experience can lead to interesting experiences where you get to meet all kinds of people. My first job fresh out of college was to sell cosmetics to parlors of a good known brand in West Delhi. The job involved enticing customers to use those products. I thought what mattered most was the location, the number of customers, the products they used, but what my experienced boss taught me was the lingo (the language) speaking Punjabi would be the key. He spoke for a total of five minutes in chaste Punjabi and the deal clicked. Well, my first learning knowing a local language never hurts.
The subsequent job was in a prestigious MNC company involving night shifts and speaking to overseas clients. Here my English accent helped, fortunately. The only hurdle was being aggressive and not giving a damn to the so-called call parameters but being naive ,new, and idealistic stuck to all protocols that had to be followed. The result was not bad, not a high performer but managed to travel abroad.
Then came a job at a bank where I got the job only because I was ready to work from scratch and very persistent in my efforts in getting the job. Here it was direct customer interaction and the need to mask your emotions was the hard lesson I learned. At the counter, it was time efficiency, smart work that mattered. One needs to be alert, observant and memory had to be good. Recalled an incident where I took a phone call and had just finished a talk with colleagues on something funny and was laughing. The customer felt disrespected cause he heard me laughing perhaps felt was mocking him the issue landed us in loosing a customer business account shaken up I thought never to laugh again could be the moral of the story.
Then came a short stint at another bank which was broader in terms of responsibilities being a smaller branch.
Here I had a more human experience of falling in love with the boss how unprofessional !!!!! Lesson learned there never mix business with pleasure. Then came a job that freaked me out to some extent, which was the role of counselor cum administrator at an NGO. It’s the counselor bit that caused a lot of shake ups well for virtually any problem I would hear as a counselor I would in my mind say hey I have that habit, oh god ! maybe I have this problem… A degree in psychology didn’t help much at this point. I also realized that helping others was important but helping yourself was way more important.
Then came a job that would help me in my next job as a recruiter. Matchmaker makes me a match. Well, I landed a plush job but it was short-lived because as a transition consultant I may have upped the glamour quotient a bit among all computer geeks but my growth as a professional would have been marred had I continued, it was a total mismatch.
Last but not least was the job of a recruiter this was the most unglamorous of all roles but here is where I discovered my hidden passion for writing also that there was more to life than just work and age was just a number. The last role that I took was that of a teacher. Life comes to a full circle here I taught the language to students that too German! Here the learning never stops I discovered. My work experience and learnings were many more than I can sum but these do bring a smile and insights when I reflect back today.
In the virtual world for everything we do, we need passwords . Its just mind boggling !!! Lets find a new coping mechanism for everything that sucks in your life . The best blend to take your anger out and you won’t ever forget the password.
Time to get cracking :
1) The Daughter in laws password
Ihatemil@forever
2) The mother in laws password
Leave my son @forever
3) The bachelor’s password
Chicken tikka masala@65
4) The the son in law s password
Kya karu sandwhiched@ forever
5) The father in laws password
God save me !!! @ hell
6) The teenagers password
I hate everyone @ sweet 16
7) For the jilted lover
Never again @ tu nahin to koi aur sahin
8) For the lover
Premam again @
9) The employees password
Boss ki toh @$#
10) The boss password
Stoplickingmy ##$@
11) Sister in laws password
Stop being sweet @ friend my foot
12) Brothers password
Ma tu kitni achi hain @ 123
And the list goes on ….. The hackers may have a field day today but they are strong passwords!!!!
The good news is that the way we look at motherhood is changing fast. We have now a growing tribe of women from different walks of life making the choice of becoming a mother not just when but how?
We now need to redefine the definition of the person who wants to become a mother. it’s not just the married woman, there are single women,there is a growing LGBTQ community, divorcees, single parents
There are many challenges and the road to motherhood is clearly bumpy when it comes to acceptance of these choices by the society in which we live. There are more myths associated with these that need to be taken care of more then anything else.
Surrogacy and adoption are the choices many couples are making today. The myths associated with these sometimes make the decision a very difficult one.
I chose surrogacy / adoption over being pregnant myself , so does it become an easier way out ? Saves my figure ? Do you bond with your child ? The child may not be healthy …. Not your bloodline ? So many myths … But once you walk through this path you realise these are to great extent myths. These are choices which may soon be the new ‘ normal ‘ .
The understanding of real issues are how we can support individuals who make these different choices at micro and macro level . Do we view them differently and label them or we give them their due as being people who have taken a path which maybe equally challenging.
At the micro-level can the immediate family unconditionally support them in this process? Can they understand and educate themselves regarding the process of surrogacy and adoption and know the real issues? At the macro level schools and communities need to understand that these are not desperate measures or shortcuts to having a progeny. The ready-made baby is easier said than done ,the process is equally demanding. The correct understanding of community about core issues related to these will end the myths associated with it from bloodline issues ,to health of the child ,to the future of the child ,bonding issues, money matters, a charitable act. When one chooses this path it is in the end to lead a more fulfilling life which could be as a couple, family, and in society.
Last but not least the mother who chose this unconventional path is no less of a woman than others she may not have given birth or breastfed the child but the unconditional love and attention she gives make her proudly say ” I am a mother “.
Reflections 