As we move along this journey of life sometimes we miss out on some very important aspects of life.
There are many occasions or times when what you actually wanted to say you didn’t land up conveying. It could be asking for forgiveness, or expressing your love, or just expressing your anger, it could also be a difference of opinion, expressing your gratitude. Some of the most important feelings in life many times we leave unexpressed. The power of unspoken feelings is huge.
Life is short so exploring this aspect of life is very important for relationships. You may spend a lifetime with your partner without expressing the love to him or her and we say actions convey but once maybe if we tried to express that love with words one may see a huge shift in that equation. Similarly, in all relationships in life in many ways you would find that it is life-altering when someone expresses what they actually feel towards you. A mother expressing her helplessness at not being perfect, a child expressing his frustration at not winning a game or match, a grandparent feeling helpless that his old age now makes them more dependent, Friends expressing their disappointments or love to each other. So many emotions guilt ,anger ,love ,sadness ,jealousy, happy, anger .Once expressed it eases your mind and makes you feel so happy. As we grow older we realize that there was so much you wanted to say to that one important person in your life but somehow your own fears, inhibitions or time stopped you from expressing what you really felt. This is the power of unspoken feelings we all should learn to free ourselves from constantly thinking and start expressing what we really feel we may lead a more enriching and fulfilling life.
My two nieces go ga‐ga over BTS songs and anything Korean. As for me, I happened to accidentally stumble upon this group and thus began my Korean Odyssey of K- Dramas. You name it. I have watched it all. You might just label me as a Desperate Housewife now !!! Yes, it’s very mushy mushy and has romance as the central theme. The stories are generally built around family ties. The narration builds up gradually and usually lasts around 16 episodes. My own favourites have been Uncontrollably Fond, Crash landing on you, Memories of Alhambra, and Historical Dramas. Thanks to this heavy dose, I now know more about what the Koreans eat than what variety there is in our own Desi cuisine. I am absolutely familiar with dishes like Tteokbokki, Kimchi, Jajangmyeon, Kimbap, Chicken fried, and drinks like Soju, Banana Milk, and Makgeolli. It’s on my bucket list to try out one of these soon!
Eoseo wa to all the K- drama fanclub ! May the tribe keep growing!! Meanwhile I think I desperately need to find a Good Doctor or visit Emily in Paris. Whatsay??? New shows…new learnings.
Starting with my name, thank god 3 Idiots was not released by then, you never know where your parents take inspiration from !!! To be named Phunsuk Wangdu or Chatur Ramalingam or Circuit and many such names. Wonder if it’s these names that bought in good luck at the box office for these movies.
In the field of entertainment names and surnames are tweaked to bring in good luck. But what about the common man. My name has got tweaked many times depending on who calls me but no good luck !!! Apart from the fact that I may have been a ray of light in the otherwise dull life of my parents this name game puzzles me no end.
So each of our names has a meaning apart from astrological significance. Equally interesting is the surname business . It’s no mean task for 25 years I belonged to a particular lineage and that it’s all gone, here comes my new lineage post marriage. I need to adopt a new approach completely for the rest of my life. What was I thinking when I decided to change this lineage?
There is obviously the other perspective why is it that a man gets to keep his one and only lineage for his entire lifespan? Why don’t I hear men adopting a woman’s surname !!! Exceptions may be there .
As per jurisprudence, it’s not mandatory to change name post marriage it’s optional.
Now the legacy the children get to carry forward, could be purely simple just put in your father’s surname what is so complicated? So the lineage of the mother, to begin with, is not important in the patriarchal scheme of things so that’s solved. No further debates on this.
The bottom line is don’t want to sound like a feminist but some things just don’t make sense anymore. The thought itself is so redundant. Some practices need to change with time and not get stuck. Both name and family name though indicates one’s family, tribe, or community it should in today’s times truly reflect the purpose in giving that name …..an identity to identify with. Not just to be followed blindly because tradition demands.
We know of man-to-man talk but what about a woman-to-woman talk ….a heartfelt talk. The difficulty I face is more in communicating and connecting with my own gender and not with the opposite sex cause here emotions matter more than logic . Why should I as a woman feel intimidated by another woman who may be more successful professionally? She could be better looking too, as a woman we are obsessed with our looks.
Can we be less harsh upon ourselves and the significant other women in our lives …it could be your mother, sister , colleague, boss, friend , acquaintance, sister-in-law law, mother- in- law. We are quick to judge about so many things , as a woman I feel . And our expectations are sky high from others in our life’s. It could be your mother, sister etc why ? Are they perfect ? Are u perfect ?
Real Queens fix each other’s crowns. We as women make our fair share of mistakes for whatever reasons but can you understand me better being a woman yourself? If yes that’s the key to a whole new world of understanding. It’s my imperfections that make me more beautiful as a person and perhaps stronger as a woman too! Let there be another woman behind every successful woman!
There is nothing stronger and more beautiful than this bond. If we can break that barrier that two women can be best of friends despite the nature of their relationship and age. In today’s times, they could be coming from a different culture, caste, and race too.
I just remembered the John Lennon song “Imagine” yes let’s imagine a world where women come forward to support each other and don’t shun each other and are more open to other’s flaws. The perfect world I say !!!
Aryabhatt may have invented zero but when I look at zero and affiliated numbers I wonder what was the need for it to be invented ?! Mortal souls like me who have fear of numbers never want to discover the reasons for the same. For all the shopping I have done to add the zeros never added up !!!
So as far as money matters are concerned I don’t know how many women feel the same way but letting my man handle it is how I have dealt with it? We just don’t want to face the fear!!! Well don’t want to mention Covid here but uncertainty in life can make you realize the bitter truth of life !!!
You need to confront the fear … So where do I start? Do I start by managing household expenditure? Do I file my returns? Do I buy a car on my own? Do I take a policy on my own! Do I know the difference between stocks and mutual funds? Do I know about medical insurance? Do I know anything about purchasing a house?
So why do we face this insecurity? Is it because men tend to handle responsibilities from a younger age? Are they better at savings? Are they really good with numbers?
How many women use fingers to count instead of doing it mentally? As a child, there were many days when just the thought of learning maths would send tremors worst than a tsunami. I also discovered much later in life that maths could be fun to learn if only those who taught us realised it. Combined with the eagerness to learn.
In all honesty, I feel there is a wide gender gap when it comes to financial independence and awareness. We are quick to give in to these gaps but have the men in your life realized how much important it is to empower your better half? And give them the gift of numbers, encourage them, let them make mistakes, be patient, guide them.
So here is my new year resolution face my fears head-on. I hope my better half is listening !!!
In the process of reading books to my little one, I realized a few things that fairy tales revolved around fairies most obvious, witches, handsome princes, beautiful princesses, and happily ever after. I don’t know how much of this I should narrate to my daughter.
Real-life is so far away from all of this make-believe world. So I imagine as she grows up listening to this she might keep searching for her happily ever after. Maybe I want her to look at this world from a different perspective. Not because there is anything wrong with it but real-life experiences are different.
Plus let her happily ever after come in a different way than this. Let it not only be because of a handsome prince whom she falls in love with.
May the wizard of oz grant her the wisdom to know the difference and become as happy as her friends Tinman with a heart, Scarecrow with a brain, and lion with courage. That’s her favorite story these days !!!! As for me, my handsome prince is snoring somewhere and I am happy to be in my space.
A picture today of women who have turned 20 posing, wearing masks and traditional kimonos in Japan triggered a thought about coming of age.
The turning point in a woman’s life is her coming of age . In India there are many traditions and customs associated with this . Puberty rituals in India are usually seen in most of Southern India and a few more states. All the rituals with slight differences involve confinement ,nutritious food and some places with ceremonial feasts.
The ceremony of Saddangu (Tamil Nadu), Aashirvada (Karnataka) or Tuloni Biyah (Assam) are some to name of .
However, how the girl involved looks forward to these traditions or best duck out still remains to be discussed. We may be aware of certain practices and rituals followed for ages but what about a modern twist to this by not just discussing at home but visiting the gynecologist to understand this new change…after all it’s normal !!! Are we not entitled to a better scientific explanation happening every month in our bodies? A coming of age practice should not be isolation but inclusion. Community participation ensures better awareness amongst people of all ages and adopting an eco-friendly approach to this could be the modern much-needed twist.
Why leave men behind in this discussion don’t they reach puberty? Let’s not make it gender-oriented. The modern period leaves happening in some organisations I am not sure how healthy or inclusive it is to give privileges to something so normal.
There are many perspectives, beliefs on this as there are controversies. Let’s try and come of age when it comes to following healthy practices.
I don’t know how many countless people identify with this one line… “It’s my life ….”
As a teenager “It’s my life” is all that I wanted to tell people who wanted to influence my choices about what I felt strongly about. As life moved on things changed. Perhaps somewhere deep down the meaning of that “It’s my life” shifts. It becomes less selfish. It’s a life of our choices certainly but do people closest to us realize this? The pandemic made me think harder about this one life.
Two individuals, in a relationship, it’s their life so let them be. A single person making his or her choice let them do what they want to …. it’s their life they need to experience the choices they make. Yes, sometimes the emotions can be overwhelming but don’t we in this journey called life, experience this once at least. So make your one life yours completely doing what you really want to do and let people who truly love you understand that and support you unconditionally and not judge you. Let their experiences not hinder the one life you have left yet to experience completely and it just may be a more fulfilling life. The road leading to my life truly is difficult and rough. But do you want to live it any other way? Think hard? All stakeholders in this journey of my life are important but like Bon Jovi sang inspired by Sinatra.
This ain’t a song for the broken hearted,
No silent prayer for the faith departed,
I ain’t gonna be a face in the crowd,
You are goonna hear my voice when i shout it aloud.
Attending birthday parties of children is quite a regular affair. Gifting to mothers like me is next to breathing. There are all kinds of gifts one could think of depending on the occasion and the relationship you share. Not the least important is the money in your pocket. Mostly the best gifts don’t leave a big hole in the pocket but you do hear these days celebrities gifting each other cars, valuables, and media disclosing the net worth of all these gifts. Wondering if it’s the thought that counts anymore behind the gift ?! Every time occasion comes I fret about what to gift ?….. You think what the heck what do I give? . I could gift my boss a secondhand cup ( how cheap is that ) or pass on my distant cousin a gift given by someone else ( do we all do this ) recycling and reuse are good. The gift sometimes does set an expectation of being returned with a gift.
The worst nightmare I have on gifts is what I gifted to someone somehow makes its way back to me! Then some people are rude enough to tell you hey I got your gift passed it on to someone we are close enough, since we don’t need it, that must have been a very practical gift.
To each his own, sometimes we are gifting to honour the person, the countless shawls given to politicians are part of this process. I always wonder what happens to them .
Then comes an interesting analysis, the size of your gift ,the bigger the better ,Small-sized gift oh god! miser ( kanjoos) . The best gifting trend these days is not paid coupons, but the convenient envelope with green notes stuck in saves the whole process of gifting and thinking .You can buy what you like why waste my energy ! Of course there are different ways to look at the same thing .Why pile up someone with a gift they may not use ? so the envelope is practical.
There are many ways to gift as there are ways to utilize them I hope somewhere deep down we understand the joy it brings to each one of us, the beautiful memories they create. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Love the fact that somebody has thought you worthy of a gift. That, in itself, is a great gift.
Reflections 